LFM and Tessa Tyger Ride Again

From far away Roland Country
Little Ford Man came to stay
With beloved Mother Fluffy Duck
For a week and a day, no more
Our enfant super-hero
Came to call the Blue Room home

Out and about in Hobart Town
Or shooting the river breeze
Our touristing Sheffield pair
Were having a festive ball
Life was bliss, and oh so fair.

But up on the Plateaux
Evil was a-stirring
Plans were being most foully hatched
Atrocious alliances were formed

And down they came a-thundering
The whole plurry, disgusting herd
Intent on creating mayhem and murder
Along Derwent Waters’ bullrushed banks

They joined their allies most loathsome
Slippery, slimy and most seething,
Being the utmost abhorrent of reptile
The odious, insidious estuary copperhead
Strewth! What a poisonous crew

From Blue Room slumber
Little Ford Man was jolted
Nanny Leigh-Leigh, Mother Duck
Was beside herself, apoplectic
‘LFM! LFM! Awake my little one
Those gnus
Those gnarlish, gnarlish gnus
Are out there, a sight most horrid
Just beyond your Blue Room window
They’re one hundred and one strong

And the snakes, the snakes
Those ugly, so ugly serpents
Are a-fanging and a-squishing
The cygnets, the ducklings
And baby pelicans too
And no! No! No! No!
Not my beloved turbo-chooks!

LFM! LFM! Rise up! Rise up!
You, and only you, know what to do’
And brave, brave Brynner arose
Espied the disturbing scene
Saw river grasses were a-shaking
The dust, the feathers, an awful racket
That rendered the air asunder

To father Keith of Kentish Lands
LFM’s first call was placed
‘Saddle him up. Saddle him up
And send him south to me’

Without panic, Daddy Keith
Knew what he must do
Summoned in the fursty flying ferret
And sent him on his way

At first Cyrano headed swiftly east, for
An important rendezvous was afoot
Unflappable LFM had been
Working the phone – and guess to whom?

Yes! Yes! Yes! For you see
He knew who else to call instantly
To that valiant, valiant braveheart
Staunchest of friends and valkyrie
Defender of the downtrodden
You now know who, don’t you?

‘Rob Roy Daddy Bear’ she cried
‘Go fetch my wooden sword, paper shield
And I will don the colander armour anew
And whistle up Old Whitebelly
I’ll need her before this is through’

In flew the majestic sea eagle
To lift up its precious fare
And together, off they set, to
Smote and to smite and smote once more
To defeat that unholy alliance most lousy

Above the windmill’s sails came
United the two behemoth carriers
And then our bravest of poppets
Did lower her gorgeous head
To whisper in her avian’s ear

The hoary, game old eagle
Let out an almighty screech
And around Lake Dulverton
She made an urgent sweep

And up from the forested floor
Arose a raptor host
A dozen warrior wedgies flew a-flapping
To join the righteous cause

Battle hardened and scarred
From many a noble battle
They were ready to serve
And pay back favours owed

Tessa Tyger raised her wooden sword
And pointed away to the south
And whilst she headed to Dromedary
She waved away the fearless Cyrano
To fetch his cargo, poste haste

With Tyger and the wedgies
Attacking from the rear
And cool, super calm Bryn
Coming from front on
Those gnarlish, gnarlish gnus
Simply had no where to go

Caught in a pincer movement
With ferocious birds clawing and a-nipping
They took to the water with alacrity,
Swam to the further shore, and
Once there, those revolting curs
They speedily hoofed it west
Whilst those sappy spineless asps
Well, they simply melted away

Cheering Nanny Mother Duck
With the fluffy one beside her
Yelled out to our victorious duo
‘Thank you. Thank you my special ones’
And waved farewell to a courageous mite
As she reined Old Whitebelly north

There was much sadness
At the loss of water fowl
But poo-cackers, swan and pelican
Would replenish, for that
They knew

Back to Blue Room
And to Tamar Lands
The two heroes went
Their separate way
And all know
Within their hearts
All that is good and just
Is there for now
And forever

And they are loved
So loved